Embrace the Monkey

Sometimes it happens that someone you know is delusional. So delusional that you need to intervene, maybe say some harsh words, and set them straight. This is my appeal to someone I have known since Primary School.

Hey Diddy Kong. You are not a chimpanzee, you are a monkey. How can I tell? Apes don’t have tails. Monkeys do.

At first I thought that your chimp parents didn’t have the heart to tell you that you were adopted. Or maybe everyone around you failed to enlighten you because they didn’t even realise. After all, your best friend seems confused as to whether he is a monkey, an ape or an ass.
But now I’m not so sure. In the days of SNES, you were calling yourself a monkey. In the days of 64, you did call yourself Donkey Kong’s nephew but you still seemed to know what you were. Now it seems that everyone is calling you a chimp. I even checked out the first few minutes of that dodgy TV series you were in and you were called a chimp.

What’s going on?

Are you ashamed of being a monkey?
I know that there are a lot of people out there that would have you believe that monkeys are “lower” primates, more primitive and less evolved. Don’t believe those lies. People who spout out that crap are either extremely ignorant or partially ignorant but confident enough to convince people and often use made up words like “devolution”.

Perhaps it’s peer pressure? Are you so driven to be just like Donkey Kong that you are in denial? Trust me, you are way better than DK. Your monkey tail is awesome and you will always be my fourth preference in the Subspace Emissary. DK doesn’t even come close.

Whatever the reason, you are living a lie. Please Diddy Kong, stop denying what you are. Embrace the monkey.


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